5 Signs Your Kids Have a Narcissistic Grandmother | WeHaveKids
Grandparents with their grandchildren in a park the arrival of a new grandchild is likely to create changes in your own relationships – with your spouse This is probably the first sign that you have not been able to balance your new role as a . This is what happens when your parents (or your in-laws) don't turn out to stories about their wonderful relationship with their own parents or in-laws. . your help, and that you love your grandchild, but this is not your baby. Estranged grandparents have no weapons; if the decision is made to For many older people the relationship with their grandchildren is their.
But what if your kids' grandmother is more like the witch from "Hansel and Gretel? The following are 5 telltale signs of a difficult or narcissistic granny.
She has no respect Respect for other people doesn't come easy to her. She wants to get respect, but she doesn't want to give it. And since she doesn't respect you, she can't stop meddling and inserting her opinion into everything - because her opinion is the only one that matters. But it's not merely an opinion; it's a systematic campaign to criticize, belittle and denigrate you as parents. And no matter how hard you try, she is never satisfied.
She always finds a reason why you're bad. Now, this sucks for you, but how does that affect grandchildren, you ask? The older they are, the more they understand. Seeing their mother or father disrespected will surely have a negative impact on them.
It might even give them an idea that it's OK to treat other people badly. Conversely, if no one acknowledges the offensive behavior, it might teach them to silently accept mistreatment.
She undermines your authority as parents She believes she knows best when it comes to your children because she raised children of her own. She believes she is a perfect mother.
When your parents suck as grandparents - Today's Parent
Or maybe deep down she knows she messed up, and now she wants a "second chance" with a grandchild. Whatever the case may be, she will not follow your instructions when babysitting.
She will belittle or mock your parental choices and passive-aggressively imply that the child behaves better sleeps better, eats better when with her.
If you tell her: Call her out on it, and she will act surprised, offended, or claim that she just "forgot". A child who now thinks that it's OK to disobey parental rules as long as you're at grandma's.
Difficult grandmothers have trouble distinguishing between the role of a parent and the role of a grandparent.
When your parents suck as grandparents
That's why they are often the meddlers of the family. She plays favorites with the grandchildren In this scenario, one grandchild or several are deemed "worthy" while the others are not. It can be expressed in a myriad ways, but most notably, it shows in verbally comparing the children, making unfair judgements and choosing the "winner" of the family based on some superficial characteristic.
This is a form of emotional abuse. It can seriously damage a child's self esteem, especially if it's tolerated by other family members. Remember, you're entitled to have a life, too.Grandparents verbally abuse their grandchildren l What Would You Do
When you offer or accept the request to care for grandchildrengo in with your eyes wide open and set some boundaries. You may be willing to make some sacrifices for your grandchildren and welcome the opportunity to care for them, but don't feel you have to spend every possible moment with them. Live your own life with balance and you'll be a great role model.
When it comes to gifts for grandchildrenthe same rules apply. Don't allow yourself to be "guilted" into spending more money on grandkids than you can afford.
If their parents rely on you to pay for extras or even basics, consider your own financial security and remember that even the little things add up. Have the intention of generosity, but be prudent. Otherwise, you may end up needing their help. Grandparents often say the difference between a grandparent and a parent is that what they do for grandchildren is a choice, not an obligation. Make good choices with your time and finances. Many grandparents fall into the deep dark "I'm the best grandma or grandpa" abyss.
Competing grandparents only alienate their children and can ultimately make their grandchildren feel pressured and uncomfortable. When you set up relationships as competition, you're setting a dangerous precedent for your family and, quite frankly, being a lousy role model.
Families have all kinds of varied relationships these days, which may result in kids having multiple grandparents.
The good news is that the more loving adults there are in children's lives, the better chances they have for success. So be glad there are other grandparents in the picture and know that your grandchildren can be close to all their grandparents.
You are all different people and will be different kinds of grandparents. One grandma may be the outdoor enthusiast ; another may be the one to teach a grandchild how to paint her nails. One may have more money to spend, but another may have more time. Instead, Grace and her toddler fly across the country to visit her, and during their last five-day Toronto trip, they only saw Grandma twice for a couple of hours.
How do you trim her nails? Part of that is just geography: And without the strong pensions the generation before them had, more baby boomers have to work into their golden years, making it harder to engage with the grandkids as much as they might like. Plus, Grandma is just as likely to be on the job in her 60s as Grandpa is. Baby boomer grandparents with financial stability, meanwhile, may still feel young and healthy enough to pursue the retirement of their dreams: Mandy Milks Opinion overload Others, of course, are too involved.
- 5 Signs Your Kids Have a Narcissistic Grandmother
- 5 Don'ts of Grandparenting
But a larger generation gap is adding to the issue. Parenting styles have also changed dramatically, from the small stuff when to start solidsor how to get a baby to sleep through the night to the larger themes. That shift was the main problem for Ahava Trivedi, a mom in Toronto. She has embraced attachment parenting, a style that came naturally to her, as her Indian-born mother raised her the same way.