I feel insecure in my relationship | Relate
Feeling insecure in your relationship can be really painful and upsetting. It can manifest itself in all kinds of ways. You might feel like your partner is about to. Psychology expert on relationships, parenting, self-destructive thoughts and both the cause of our insecurity and its cure reside in us alone. Chronic insecurity is toxic to your relationships. Jennice Vilhauer, PhD, is the director of the Outpatient Psychotherapy Treatment Program at Emory Healthcare .
Wanting to know for certain that someone will be with you forever prevents you enjoying the here and now. Nothing in life is certain. Your relationship needs room to breathe.
Schedule in some 'separate time' and just see it for what it is. The developing flower needing space to grow isn't a sign that it is heading for collapse. If they say one thing don't assume they mean another. If they say nothing don't assume that their silence is significant, either. Many men relax by not talking. Constantly wondering and asking what someone is thinking is a dead end because even if they do tell, will you believe them anyway? When you stop doing it, you really begin to respect someone's privacy because everyone deserves the right to have space to think their own thoughts.
Constantly asking, "What are you thinking? Some people do this with whole relationships. Because they were in a relationship with someone who was abusive, very critical or dishonest, or who left them, they respond to a new partner defensively or angrily when, in fact, the new partner is not really like the old one at all. The extreme form of this 'sloppy comparison' can lead to destructive over-generalizations such as, "All men are lying bastards!
Write next to this list all the ways your current partner is different and review this list regularly.HOW TO DEAL WITH INSECURITIES - PSYCHOLOGICAL STRATEGY
This will help you to stop assuming that the future has to be like the past. Seek self-assurance Rather than always looking to the other person to make you feel secure in your relationship, get into the habit of reassuring yourself. Start to challenge your own fears and imaginings rather than just accepting them.
What real evidence is there for this fear?
- Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships
- I feel insecure in my relationship
- Getting Over Relationship Insecurity
And even if this relationship did end, I'm strong enough to go through it and ride it and will have learnt things from it. What we fear will be 'the end of the world' if it happens never really is. Sit down, close your eyes, and strongly imagine feeling relaxed and secure around your partner. This will train your brain to feel that "whatever happens, I'll be okay.
Insecure people look for signs of what's not working.
Getting Over Relationship Insecurity | HuffPost Life
I want you to look for signs of what is. Doing this will get you and your partner feeling naturally more positive.
No meaningful relationship will always totally work all the time. Being too black or white about relationships spells trouble. There are always some difficulties, but keep focussing on what is good. This doesn't mean that you have to accept anyone who will accept you, even if they are obviously not right for you.
5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships
But it does mean that if there are occasional problems, you don't have to 'throw the baby out with the bathwater' and become so destructive that the relationship ends or so clingy that your partner ends it for you. It can be helpful to uncover the relationship between these voice attacks and the early life experiences that helped shape them. This too will allow you to feel some self-compassion and reject these attitudes as accurate reflections of who you are.
Step III People often struggle with the third step of this process, because it involves standing up to long-held beliefs and insecurities about oneself. You will answer back to your voice attacks, expressing your real point of view. You can write down rational and realistic statements about how you really are. Respond to your attacks the way you would to a friend who was saying these things about him or herself, with compassion and kindness.
Step IV In step five of Voice Therapy, you start to make a connection between how the voice attacks are influencing your present-day behaviors. How do they affect you at work? In your personal ambitions? Do they undermine you? What events trigger the insecurity? In what areas is this insecurity most influential?
Step V The final step involves making a plan to change these behaviors. This process will not be easy.
With change always comes anxiety. These defenses and critical inner voices have been with you your whole life, and they can feel uncomfortable to challenge. When you do change, expect the voices to get louder. Lisa Firestone for a Webinar on Overcoming Insecurity As you sweat through this tough but very worthy transition, it is important to practice self-compassion.
Kristin Neff found self-compassion to be far more psychologically beneficial than self-esteem. Self-esteem still focuses on evaluation and performance, where self-compassion encourages an attitude of kindness and patience.
The first port of call is talking things over together. However, if you do feel able, you may find the following tips useful: Framing things more positively can get things off to a better start. Pick the right moment. Try to talk when things are going well, not badly. Bringing things up in the middle of an argument is only likely to create more conflict.
Say how you feel, not how you think they make you feel. Even if what your partner has to say is difficult to hear, try to stick with it. A conversation has to go both ways for it to work. Try to start by acknowledging their perspective may be different to yours. You could even plan.